The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

2014 is finally about to be over. About freaking time. It goes right up there as one of the worst years ever! Sure there has been a few other truly shitty years, but this one is fresh on my mind.



The High Points of 2014:

* Getting to super close to Dee Dee. Love that girl. I hope we can continue to value each other as much in 2015. She is simply amazing.



* No more I.E.P. for BoBo. He's a free bird now. No more labels that limit him and hold him in place. It is his time to shine. He is already rising to the challenge.



*Snoochie made it into quest! Her smarts are over shadowed by her craziness. This amazing achievement almost went by unacknowledged. Genius should always be celebrated.



*Rescuing Toothless. It's hard to believe we haven't always had her. I have never been much of a cat person, but she has won me over 100%. I can't imagine coming home and not being greeted by her happy chirps and trills. She is one of the most amazing animals that I've had the privilege of being responsible for. Toothless, may you always have fresh water and may your food bowl always be full.



*Saying "good bye" by to C / Fah Q. I miss you, but we were not good for each other. I loved you terribly and you loved me on sunny days. Your silence says it best.

I will continue to ignore you. I will remain distant, but that doesn't mean that I don't think of you or wish you well.



Saying good bye to "Rocket". You sir, are a dumb ass. To continually push yourself on me and then flee the scene the moment your loyalty was tested. Good bye and good riddance. I warned you not to get involved. Knowing that you are a chicken shit coward only proves that you are no one I want in my life. So hello and good bye to the childish Rocket. I won't waste anytime reminiscing.



* Awakening. Holy crap. This was one of the highest points of 2014 (and one of the most painful). Finally things make sense to me. I finally have been given the first round of answers. I know who I am, where I have been, and where I want to go. The path had finally been put below my feet. I will follow it.



*Bavmorta's evil boy - I know I shouldn't protect him, but I think I always will. We share too much of a dark past for me to turn my back on him. He literally has no one else. He at least understands who I truly am. He may never be empathetic, but that is because his brain will never work on my level. Do I feel superior? Yup. In 2014 I showed him the force I really am. Do not fuck with Dubs. I have him cautious and waiting. I have the advantage here. I must never sleep with my eyes shut. I will never trust him. I will never love him. But if he wants to hang around at my feet like a puppy who has been beaten too many times, I will allow it. Hopefully he will get bored and move on. In the meantime I will search for the cord and unbind it. I need to remain vigilant and one step ahead.



*The 3 Best Friends that anyone could have - What fun is life if you can't walk along the blade of a sword? I love my mischievous band of bros. The energy fills the spaces between us and it is all for me.



*Self Improvement - I started a few amazing changes in 2014. The results were impressive. I need to continue growing and stepping forward. Leave the self pity behind.

I haven't feed in a while, maybe a week or more. I was trying to be more "moral", I guess. Total irony there. I also haven't meditated or "stretched my muscle" so speak. I know its the holidays, but I really need to get back on track.



Work was absolutely grueling today and I am completely wiped out. The dumb has returned. Oomph.

Not in a fabulous mood tonight...

So instead of anything that could be seen as anything even remotely thought provoking, I'll describe my ink instead.



My fave tattoo: The barbed Wire band on my upper left arm. I love it. People usually ask me about it and I always give some lame "my dad was a P.O.W." That's not why I have it. I'm small and to be honest, I'm cute. When you look like me people tend to treat you like you are fragile or a little doll. I'm not. I'm fierce. Don't intrude, back off, leave me alone - That's why barbed wire.



Next tattoo: A "tribal" outline of a lion on my shoulder. I'm a Leo, it's my sign.



My Very First tattoo: I got it right after I turned 18. Its a crescent moon inside a cloud with stars around it. I got in color. Terrible idea. Its on my other shoulder (across from my lion). Its been sunburned too many times and some of the stars look broken because the colors faded too much.



My not quite a tramp stamp: I have a lizard "climbing" up my lower back. Once upon a time I had a leopard gecko. His name was Duece. He was a very aggressive lizard and bit me frequently. I kept his tank near my computer. He use to come out of his shelter and hiss at me. He'd stomp around his tank in displeasure. My favorite tattoo artist showed a great interest in him. I gave him the lizard in exchange for the lizard tattoo. I do not regret the deal.



The Worst Tattoo. Its on my right ankle. Its an angel standing on a cloud. The Angel has a halo and a devil's tail. There's a cursive name in the cloud. This tattoo is absolutely awful in every way. The color for the angel's face is way too reddish orange. Wtf? The outline is bumpy in some areas, not finished in others. The name in the cloud isn't legible. I want to get this one covered up. I've been told I need 1-2 laser sessions before any reputable artist will touch it.



Funniest tattoo: Its on the right side of my belly. Fantasia Mickey Mouse, complete with wizard robe and hat, making some magic on a crystal. I got it in a whim at O.O.B. He reminds me of good times



My secret tattoo - This is one is just for a select few. Let's just say I had to wear less than a thong to get this tattoo.

Have I mentioned how much I hate being played? How much I hate big, fat lines of stupid fucking bull shit? How about for tonight's entry I go off in a tirade of things I hate:



1.) I hate him. I wish he would just stay away and leave me alone. There is a point where people NEED to leave, especially when they aren't trusted and aren't wanted. To stay and play mind games and beg to be loved is fucked up. How much effing pain can one person take. It's simple, if I hate you, leave it that, and most of all leave me alone. I don't get the attraction here. I don't have whiskey tits after all.



2.) I hate being angry. I can feel it brewing from my feet to my hands. I just lost my shit and I know it.



3.) I hate him. If he didn't insist on being around, I wouldn't lose my shit. I hate to be so mean but if he can't leave me alone, than really he just needs to die or something.



4.) This is the most fed up relationship ever. I said I am done!!! Why isn't it done?



5.) I hate the fact that he has this much control in my life



6.) He's the fucking boy who cried wolf. Give it up already. Nobody actually believes your stories



7.) I just want to reiterate how much I truly hate and despise him. Its not enough that he has to be a fucking cling on, but he tries to demand that I let down my walls and befriend him.



8.) Fuck that, Fuck that.

I grew up with an Ellis Island last name and very few "clues" as to the original last name or the country of its origin. My dad is a second generation American. His dad was born in this country. His mom (my grandmother) is an Irish immigrant. So I am 1/4 Irish thanks to my grandmother's family. A part of the Farrell clan to be exact. As teenager, I loved Irish culture. I use to flaunt a Notre Dame starter jacket and loved anything with a clover on it.



On my mom's side, I am Spanish. I don't have the trade mark black hair that my mom and her sister's have. My friends use to call my mom "Snow White". I find the nickname fitting. I do have very almond shaped eyes, pale skin, and a serious Spanish temper. My mom spent my entire childhood trying to repress my Spanish side. Sorry ma, but I am proud of it! I love the way her family is loud and equivilates food with love.



My Grandpa on my dad's side died long before I was ever born. My dad refuses to talk about him. My grandpa is also the very first Stanley in the family. I asked my dad a few times about the original last name and as to its country of origin. My dad said it sounds like shit-cabbage and I've heard it was Polish, German, or Russian.



After a long search, I've made many discoveries. The last name in its original alphabet could read by some one as Shivcabbach by some one speaking English. This means some one at Ellis Island used the ships manifesto to record the last name, accidently changing it in the process. My original last name, the one fate cheated me out of is Savasin - its Russian.



So somewhere during the War World 2 era (1912) Rudolph Savasin got the hell out of dodge (somewhere around the Polish / Russian borders) and came to America. Once in the US he became Rudolph Stanley. He gave his children American-ized names and low and behold, a whole ancestral line disappears in the chaos. I'm on to you old man and now I know what you do despite my families desire to let this heritage remain in the grave.

When I woke up this morning, my stomach was in an angry mood. I had a fresh pot of coffee calling my name and I couldn't indulge. Getting my hair and and make up just right was like some sort of torture tolerance test. I sipped on water and chewed on a freeze pop. I had to take frequent breaks to kiss the porcelain throne. Gross, I know. I really wanted to call out, but it would have been the wrong thing to do.



I made it safely to work. As I prepared the dining room, I excused myself twice to heave privately in the bathroom. Totally mortifying moment for me. At 7, we opened and the rest of my team arrived. They took one look at me and insisted I use the call in. I tried to explain to them that I needed the cash, but I also knew of I stayed, I would be dead weight. With a heavy heart, I got the cafe manager to call our stand by in. With 4 people already on the floor, I was allowed to leave immediately.



Defeated, I drove back home and slipped back into bed. I slept on and off for almost the whole day. I am starting to come around now. Finally food and drink is able to stay down. I hate my sensitive stomach. Its not enough to feel gross and achy from dehydration, but now it is starting to affect my income. I really need to get to the route of this problem. Perhaps an elimination diet is in order?





So my conclusions are this: my weak stomach not only affects my income, but also makes it impossible to meditate or work on energy focus. Total bummer!

My real name is Melissa. I live in Western Mass. I'm called a masshole. I believe it is acceptable to pass on the right. I use to have major road rage. I live in a very unique area of the country. I'm in the epicenter of The Seven Sister's (Colleges - Smith, Mt. Holyoke, Hampshire College, and I can not remember the rest at the moment). Its a very liberal area, supportive of the gay / lesbian community. I am personally not a lesbian, but do not judge. The heart wants what the heart wants.



The area is also know for health, veganism, and animal rights activism. I could never be vegan. Bacon is my first love.



My favorite color is green. I love to ski and hike. I love onyx and emeralds. My favorite animals are wolves and seals. Llamas make me laugh.



I love mountain dew & amp. I am a very picky eater.

I love shame less tv: Sparticus, Game of Thrones, Shameless, Dexter, Oz, The dead files, Modern Family, Family Guy, and The Simpsons. Dark Wing Duck was my favorite cartoon as a kid.



That's enough for now, I think.

Today was a 5* day. Its relieving to be back on track. I may start to sink, but I never seem to drown. Today I am centered and wise. My confidence is through the roof. Today, I exuded confidence. Smiling was infectious.



I went to the mall in the morning. Every where I went people chattered, smiled, and laughed. I did too. Call Missy on the spot. The more energy I take, the happier I feel. I am starting to get choosey about the flavor.



Tonight I went w/ Dee Dee to get her nose pierced. The event didn't disappoint. Dee Dee is an old soul, but I love what we have between us.



Now its time to wind down and embrace the darkness of the night. I should meditate tonight.

Eye lids heavy, start to droop. Today's been filled with too much me. Sluggish, mind weary. I could use a place to rest.



I feel tension in the air. He stirs. Almost time to put me down. He is futile, impossible. I wish he'd leave. I prefer the silence than his energy. Deception, fraud, crooked. I love dark souls, but only when they're honest. He tried to lead me back to death's door tonight. He would watch me suffer for his own fix. He would watch the agony again and again just to pacify his urge. He needs to leave.



I'm drained and struggling. Before I slipped under the surface, riding high on power. Now I've gone too deep.

I went out Saturday night to feed. I was in good company. Two friends needed a designated driver so they could drink at a bar. We chose the seedy bar, under the bridge, next to the factories. I made small talk with the bartender. I searched for a fair target. He was drunk, chewing his mouth off, grinding his jaw. On drugs and drunk, he had energy to spare. I pulled and pulled from him from 3 chakras at a time. I was so greedy. We left the bar and I drove home, high and buzzed off of being full. I didn't notice any precognition. Choked it up to a case of can't be great every time, at least the energy tingled throughout me.



We got home and things turned bad. My stomach hurt violently. I threw up all night long. Sunday morning wasn't any better. I laid in bed wasting away. I heard my name at dawn as the sun peaked over the mountains. At 10 am I tried to get up. No good. My stomach cramped and screamed in agony. Surely it wouldn't be long before I died. By 3 pm there was no change. At 6 helped arrived in the form of friends. I took a quick shower and tried to keep water and half a bagel down. Weak from a day spent in physical hell, I went back to bed. When I woke up this morning, I felt so frail. Its over for now. Could it have been a 24 hour bug or karma?

Why is it now that I feel total euphoria, that I want to be selfish and slip into that shadow? My spirit aches for chaos. Could it be that I am yearning for that moment again? I want nothing more to feel the electricity race from my toes, to my legs, to my stomach, to my chest, to my arms, and bolt into my mind. Just the anticipation makes my spine shudder. I should seek to be centered.



The others around me, they don't understand. They see it. They believe it, so they say. They try to please me. But do they lie out of love? One does and one doesn't. All of it is irrelevant, they will never see what I see. They will never feel what I feel. They will never know what I know. Surrounded by those that will never truly understand.

COMMENTS

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sippa
06:01 Dec 14 2014

i think that now you have found the place you were meant to be.

i also think you have found the place where you will get your questions answered.

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POST COMMENT

Why is it so hard to trust others around me? I can smell the deception through their pores. Have my mind storms so badly hurt the ones around me? Every one I know suffers so deeply, with every heart beat. Did I inflict this pain around them without a single whisper? With out a single action? In the eye of the storm, I find my peace and serenity. Was it me that caused it? Or her?



The vibration is such a thrill. I am beginning to see faint auras around living beings. They aren't strong, but some emit more light than others.

I'm hoping those who can - will leave a comment to this thread in regards to their own personal experiences with the subject manner.



As a newly awakened psi vamp, I've been feeding... a lot, taking as much energy in as I possibly can. I've noticed some really impressive results and even though nils can interpret it all as coincidences, it is still a whicked rush. I have developed precognition. In minor ways, I have been accurately predicting the almost immediate future. I am able to some what manipulate people around me by taking their energy. I could elaborate and explain my experiences in depth, but I would rather hear you thoughts.

The newness and shock is wearing off, but I am still actively feeding every chance I get. Hopefully, I will still get a rush from time to time. I don't think I ever, ever want to go back to the old way. I will always need to feed and find energy.



General observations: When I feed, I seem to have some sort of psychic awareness. Also animals seem to be very very drawn to me. Yesterday at the exotic fish store every fish seemed to be drawn straight to me.



I really need to pick up a few house plants.

Still riding high on energy. Its an amazing feeling and this *enlightening* could not have come at a better time. I meditated for a short while tonight. For a brief moment I saw a strong wind with such a strong power propelling it. The wind blew across the ocean and pulled the water towards the sky, higher and higher. Suddenly, I pictured what it was like for the wind to forcefully break the surface of water. I could hear the wind, feel the water, and see all the shades of blues and greys.



I can only assume the imagery revealed to me served as a metaphor for what is going on with me. It seems I have discovered Pandora's box. Only just below the surface and I am so much further ahead than I was a week ago.

So, bare with me, totally gonna let my mind wander on this.

Awakening seems to be a beautiful thing. I've never been more aware than I've been the past few days. I've always thought I was an empty person, tired, and troubled.

Spent the few days trying to pull energy from various sources and was pleasantly rewarded with small surprises. Even read about how the true ones would be visited... pretty sure that happened yesterday. No longer feel so cursed.